the real ones nobody gets to know about

     i've got some really sick friends, like dope, i mean. they're cool human beans(i call human beings human beans bc it's just cuter). Recently i've had some really incredible independant moments that have really stuck with me. I originally became an influencer because I wanted to travel, learn, explore. That did happen a bit but as I progressed further into my career in that realm, I have found that I really do it because i have this deep desire to touch people's hearts. To make them feel good, or important, like they matter(because we all do). It's highly likely that I have that desire because of ways I felt growing up, but it's really become a huge part of the way I live in my reality. It's almost the same as "treat others the way you want to be treated" but even more than that it's my own version of "i wanna make sure others never have to feel a negative way I have felt before." Everyone on this earth is literally so important, can you please everyone? absolutely not, so do not even try. But you can try and be the kindest and best person you can be. 
​     some of my absolute favorite people on this earth are human beans that i actually feel like I have inspired once upon a time or have supported my own journey and inspired me. Most of my deeply intimate relationships are with people who live all around the world, and it's kind of been that way my entire life. I never really fit into any friend groups, i was always the girl who would bounce from one to another and so on. I never felt like any group was really in my deep alignment. One day, I went to a business/self esteem camp for many reasons, but i met some people for the first time in my life that made me feel like i actually was meant to be on this earth. it was my first moments of "oh shit, i matter too." and then those friendships dispersed and were all across the US and even world because it was a bunch of people from all around that came together for this experience. After that, I felt like all my friends were forever far away but i actually felt like I had some. As i have gotten older, I have realized that, that never really shifted. Friendships for me have always come in a cyclic pattern and one moment I will have so many and in another they will be spread across the world. They're never gone, it's always just a "see you when the stars align again." haha, I always joke because I deeply feel that my most recent friendships that have really stuck around are all starseeds. If you have never heard of that, it's basically a soul that has lived many other lifetimes throughout the galaxy in other star systems or planets, realms, etc. but we(as starseeds) chose to come to earth for the conscious revolution and to be lights as the planet shifts and we(as earth beings) move into an entirely new reality of living. Anyways, I realized as my closest friends dispersed this last time that we are like stars written across the planet. I have friends in all these weirdly cute little places on earth and if you just took our light and placed it against a black background, we would make up a constellation of stars. get it? haha starseeds. it's cute. 
     Sometimes it can also be super hard though to not have that many friends around you. for me, I actually live on a little island in the pacific ocean and it's quite unpopulated. The community is small and that's an entirely other entre. but making friends and ones that really resonate can be a challenge. i am so incredibly lucky to see my little stars once or twice a year when we all find a way to travel together or see each other, but the other 50 weeks of the year, i am pretty much on my own. where I currently am in life, i have one deeply respected friendship, I am actually doing taco tuesday tonight with her haha. but i really only get to see her once a week as she obviously has a life too. And i actually prefer friendships that choose to be together every moment they are because they are the most appreciated friendships, in my eyes at least, and her and i have that very well. i have a few other friendships that are still building also but the best ones really need to marinate. However, i have this one friend whom is one of the biggest advocates in my life and she and i have never even met in person. We facetime sometimes and chat via text like all the time but she is someone who has really given me so many moments of actual success in my life.
     as mentioned before, i have this deep desire to really inspire others and help and give and show others their opportunities or how important they really are. it can be so incredibly hard to do that on a mass basis and especially online. but it is basically common knowledge that even just touching one person's heart is enough. This woman is my one person. The other night her and I were talking and i've really deeply been struggling with my passion for purpose recently. i've been trying so hard to just feel like i am actually making a difference in this world and oftentimes i am extremely hard on myself, but all the negativity that is directed towards me online doesn't help haha. in these specific moments where I really feel like i have failed, or am failing, or haven't actually made others feel the ways I want to help others feel within themselves, or that i just feel like i have no idea what i am doing or why i have gone down the path i have to make a difference in this way, i have this deep moments of weakness and this woman is always there in them to remind me how much of a difference i have made in just her life. she very well may be one of my walking angels(this is a concept that will be in one of my next books). The other eve I was feeling this way, completely distraught and like I just don't know what the fuck to do next, as if I had tried everything, feeling very discouraged. As i opened up to her about this, she responded by telling me how much I had come into her life in a time when she really had no idea how she was going to move forward. She thanked me for everything I had done from simple little conversations, to things I have taught her, to always standing for her worthiness, and getting her new opportunities along the way. I genuinely felt tears rising through my system reading this message she sent me because it was everything I have ever wanted to make another feel. it was a moment in one of my hardest moments of literal proof that I am still accomplishing my purpose just along the way of life. and it's through these human beans that actually mean so much to me, the one's i am so incredibly honored to actually get to be an inspiration or even simply just a friend for.

​     moral of the story is really that you are serving, you are doing everything you desire. you simply existing and being who you are inside is what is making the most difference. life is a whole ton of energetic waves and that is why everything we experience comes in wavelike patterns, or cycles. just remember that you are doing your absolute best and that baby, is more than enough. i love you. 

thank you for being here.