no plan b.

     i've really truly got no plan b, but i've got a million plan a's. i was raised in this reality where the only way to be creative, to succeed, to make it was to have a plan b and as i have shifted over the years, i have realized that i actually stand on the side of feeling the complete opposite. i've hit all these points in my life where having a plan b would've given me the option to go back and low key give up on my dreams or not so much give up but more so put them on hold for another year while I rebuilt myself enough to try again. The way I live now is a whole lot more of, build as I go otherwise I will be in ashes. i was having a really real and intimate conversation the other evening with one of my gallllfriends and we were talking about the concept of not being able to turn back. kind of the "the point of no return" and I hit that point when I was 23 years old and I made a decision that would impact the rest of my life. It cut out my options of going back to a classic reality and climbing a corporate latter or so on. It really sent me into my current reality as a, final push, you could say to really make it. and now that I am here, three more years into that, I am probably one of the biggest advocates for having no plan b you will ever meet. Firstly, it pushes you to not give up and to see the fails along your journey as more ammunition towards your goal. Secondly, it keeps you in this creative space where you learn over time to naturally fall into your intuition when things go haywire. The amount of times I have created entire projects and put all my energy into them for months and even years and watched them plummet into the floor when I launched has been insane. I have learned always to celebrate along the way because if you do not, the satisfaction of perseverance dies, you NEED to remember the things you have done right or well for a better word. After that, you go for the gold and if you don't find it, there's this really intimate period with yourself where you get to sit with yourself and say, "what went well, and what didn't?" and then you start the entire process all over again.
     I had a friend post the other day on her story this repost of someone saying that being a creative is really a whole lot of falling in love with the process and finding the enjoyment of the process of creation way more than the final act, because if you do not, you cannot see the joy in every single time you have to begin again, or walk through yet another tunnel of darkness. My third reason for being such an advocate for having no plan b is because we are intuitive and transformational creatures at our hearts. Having a plan b in the first place builds your reality based on "knowing" how everything will go and it sets you up for disappointment, anxiety attacks, and even more when the inevitable happens and your entire life shifts unexpectedly because that's the one thing in life you can count on, is the unknown or unexpected happening. This last year my brother came to visit me and he had spent the last like maybe 3/5 years working for this company. it had been a very stable job for him and a really cool one as well for the time. A few weeks before he came to visit me, he randomly got this intense feeling that he wasn't satisfied anymore and he needed to leave his job. He felt it in his bones, and luckily he knew how to follow his intuition and left his job right before visiting me. he had also set himself up for another job when he got back that he was very excited for. As soon as he landed on island, he got in the car and told me he had the most insane story to tell me. He walked me through his story of how only weeks, WEEKS, after he left his job, the entire company got completely shut down by the government and every single person was fired. He knew something was going to happen and he needed to shift and he listened to himself and moved forward on his own accord. It was a company that nobody had thought would ever end, and it was wiped off the map within a day. Things like this happen all the time in life. Sometimes much more tragic, sometimes more insane, and sometimes they're just weird enough to have no one see them coming. In these instances, you cannot plan, you are thrown into the dark and asked to walk. This is why I feel like all of your life should be spent moment to moment rather than through plan b's. 
     Four. Just because you do not have a plan b, does not mean in the slightest that you will not have a path forward. It also doesn't mean you stop dreaming, it almost enables you to dream bigger, be even more delusional than you ever have been. When you're living a life of plan A's, you can have 10 insane dreams at once and tackle them within the moment of whichever one feels the most joyful for you at the time. I'll use myself as an example. Right now, my only plan is this, being an author, a storyteller. I have written a book, I write short stories, journals, and other books in the dark, and so much more. I hit another pitfall the other day where I was like, "why isn't this working?" and luckily, I have been at this long enough to instead of being down about it for too long, I get my ass back up and sais, "okay, what can i try next?" and that is how this new blog has been born. Here I am, still writing. Is anyone reading, I have absolutely no clue. But I am giving it another shot, and with no plan B to turn back on, I cannot ever stop giving it another shot. I have placed myself in the straight trajectory of eventually something will work, all I have to do is enjoy this ride and trust the universe is bringing my ammunition, and maybe the lighter too or even some gas would be nice to get it started but no matter, I trust the best is coming. plus, sometimes along the path, you find these little things that really take you somewhere you never imagined you would be. is it just another shot? of course, but it sure is fun once you learn to enjoy the divots in the path. I learned early on that I needed some kind of fund to get myself going, so I made a really strong decision to fund myself with what I could create out of nothing. It was a decision that many people have strong opinions on, but for me, it was my trust fund and access to build what I really wanted to build, what really would bring me the most joy. There is more than enough proof all over the world or interwebs of anyone and everyone who has ever succeeded starting somewhere and that where usually has access to an income. I never had that, so I made my own. That fund I created has now funded the publication of my first book, this and all the other websites I have built over the years, my photography business, and now it's also funding my newest business adventure, plus all my dream boards and the simple pleasures of my life like baking or groceries or even random fashion joys. When you have nothing, make something out of nothing. I think that might be the secret ingredient to a really successful person. That and remembering your perseverance through it all.
     Five, and lastly, having no plan B is the happiest I have ever been in life. If you met me 5 years ago, you would call me a type A personality which is genuinely laughable if you have met me today. 5 years ago, I worked a 9-5, got a college degree, saved lmfao, traveled a couple times a year on some trip i planned 6-12 months prior to that, and I couldn't pencil you in if you didn't reach out to me at least a week in advance. I had a written out planned schedule and today if i saw that on my calendar, i'd have a panic attack probably. today i literally live by the hour. "oh its sunny today, let's go to the beach." and then I will spend four hours on the beach and work the next day. I could end up at a coffee shop and if someone I know is there and wants to talk, i'm in. I live in no rush anymore, can be respectfully late to anything and it's all in perfect timing. And i work completely online. There drastically different lifestyles and the most important part of them is that all these anxieties and depression that I used to have, are things that I have really worked on firstly, but they have really been witness and honoured now and in a way that I see them and experience them less than I ever have in my life. I wake up happy to wake up in life, and I never feel anymore like I have to do anything I don't feel aligned with in my heart and I smile in the mornings when I crawl out of my bed. I used to be one of the unhappiest people you could ever meet, and today I am one of the happiest. I think that is the most powerful thing of all things to shift and that in and of itself is why having no plan B's is the best route for me at this time. I honestly cannot say the best one for you, but I can say, how would you know if you never tried? Being a human, being alive is all about journeying, trying something new, learning about yourself and others. If I were to recommend anything, it would be to find your joy, and follow that. it'll shift everything for you.