freya's story.

photos by : @annacarolina.media on IG

My story begins in a faraway land, a celestial planet we call Mintaka. Mintaka was my true home. Times were soft, kind, and full of absolute and unconditional love. We were a people with a kind of peace and beauty. But there came a time when a call was heard for guides to come and help a planet named Earth. This was when my soul life shifted, and I became this world's known freya. I volunteered to come to Earth during the shift of a transformational time in the planet's development - as a guide for the beings here. I was born on September 22, the first day of fall, a day built upon transformation, upon a cusp. I knew long before coming here that Earth would not be an easy journey, but I was in for a real journey the day I landed in my body and emerged from my mother into the mother of Earth. I spent my early childhood very well taken care of, and was born next to two siblings, I being in the middle. I made it up into my teens when the beginning of my trials began to form the being I was meant to become, and that all started when I fell into and experienced the beginning of a long journey with depression. Throughout middle and high school, I was deeply wounded and felt and gave into internal experiences of elevated emotions, thoughts, and isolation. I was already a deeply emotional being, and I came here with a gift of intimate empathy. Though, throughout this time, I did not understand what that was or that it was even a part of me and instead became very lost and confused at the idea that it would or could be possible to feel so much of differentiated thought patterns and from different perspectives upon one person or experience. It all took over my sweet, young self. I lost touch with all reality and began to numb myself for it felt like “too much”, and this led to a journey of deep disassociation. The more I would disassociate, the more I would lose touch with my body and attract experiences that were not of my soul self - though each experience melted into a trial for me to overcome and pass. I did, with each day, even as hard as they were. At 14 years old, I tried to take my life for the first and thankfully, only time. I did not succeed, and I thank the universe every single second of my life now for saving me - even if, at the time, I was devastated to breathe another moment in this physical world. That summer, my father took me to a self esteem camp which was run by a very beautiful older woman named Eve. That week, I met souls who completely accepted me for who I was, no matter my darknesses, and only wanted to pull me in closer. This summer camp saved my life and gave me the love I remembered, the unconditional one from my homeland. Through this experience, I found a way and remembrance to keep fighting and be more of myself in this world. I made it the next few years, choosing for myself for the first time in my life and walking away from things that did not resonate with me any longer. I moved closer to those that did, and life felt really good for a while. Then, when I was 17 years old, a new trial walked up on my doorstep, one that would be the hardest trial I would ever have. It was the Grim Reaper, and he had taken my best friend, Hunter, one evening to cross. That night, my entire world shattered, and my entire life course shifted as well. This was the beginning of realizing there is a much bigger plan for life than a simple desire. I was shattered for months and years, and even to this day, I am still deeply touched by death. After Hunter crossed, I lost all hope that there was any reason behind life, and this was where the real journey to finding faith, hope, and more came from. Death is something that is more difficult than anything, and yet I believe with my entire heart that death is the deepest teacher I have ever had. When my life course shifted, I lost the path I had for my future of being a criminology expert - and walked towards a future of unsurity. After that, I felt this hole inside me, wondering what could ever fill the love of a lost one. I ended up walking down the path of insatiable desire - through social media. This was when I started my IG, YouTube, and TikTok career, this is when I became a public figure. I began to beg for love through this online portal, thinking and believing that if I could just hit the next marker, then, one day, I would feel like this life was worth the loss of his. That it could be enough to be alone. Truly, this loss has brought up wounds so deep within me that were already in existence - of isolation, unworthiness, and feelings of not fitting in or being enough. This led me to find others to fall in love with, women most often, which I believed were more than I was. I let them be everything I knew I could be and fell in love with becoming them because I had lost my belief in that I could be all I was meant to be. I had lost my hope in life. A few years later, I found an online trip that was being hosted by one of these women I had fallen so deeply in love with. Her name was Charly. I cried to my mom about how badly I wanted to go on this trip, but knowing I could never spend $2500 for a 1-week trip. I had not been raised around experiences or money in those quantities and had been working my whole life in either the restaurant or the 9-5 system. I simply could not afford it. A few weeks later, my mother sat me down at the kitchen table and asked me how badly I really wanted to go on that trip. I fell into tears at the thought of missing out on the one opportunity that could make me matter. I really had no self-esteem at this point in my life, but I did not realize any of that. My mother then told me she would pay for the trip for me so long as I could verify it was real. I cried more that day than I had in years but for the first time in many, they were tears of joy. A month later, I was in the Dominican Republic, meeting more influencers and “important” people than I ever had in my life. I was so naive and absolutely exactly where I was meant to be, mentally and physically. I also, on that trip, met the human beings who had been behind the scenes putting the whole thing together and they had also lived in Utah, where I still lived at the time. I met up with them after the trip and fell very deeply into their circle. A couple of months later, they moved to NYC, and I spent the next 9 months living part-time there with them and part-time in Utah. After those 9 months, one of them notified the crew over the phone of their move to Hawaii. My closest connection in the group turned to me and asked, “Would you like to come with me?” I answered before I could think with a “yes.” my life changed drastically once again. I moved to Hawaii in September of 2019. 6 months later, COVID hit the US, and all of us, plus 20 other human beings(all of this social media world), got locked down in Hawaii and spent the next 2 years together. This is where I experienced my first spiritual awakening. I also met more of the people I looked up to and spent far too long trying to win their approval of myself. After COVID-19, slowly, all these people dispersed back to their worlds and the real journey of myself began. At this time, I was struggling still, lost, and feeling absolutely unworthy. I was even using substances to feel more connected and less isolated than I had my entire human life. One day, a partner of mine came to me and said that I had been acting as someone who reflected the absolute worst of me. It shattered my heart that I had become the one thing/kind of person who I had said I would never be. But throughout time, I also have found that by becoming what we see as separate, we learn to find even more compassion than we ever thought possible. I love that I had become this and that this reflection had been given to me. This was when my real work started - even if throughout my life, I had already been moving through my soul’s mission to simply be the light. But in this time of reflection and introspection, I saw darkness in me, my shadow self that had not ever been seen by me, and she simply wanted love. I spent the next two years getting sober enough to see. I began my journey into self-hypnosis which led me into parts of myself I never dreamed were even there. I had conversations with past versions of myself that were so lost, cold, and simply deserving of love that I, personally, had been suffocating them of. I realigned with each of these parts of me and finally started seeing myself as light. This is where I met myself for the first time, truly. I had experienced many other moments in the 10 years before this where I had seen this version of me, but this was the merging of my soul self back into my body. I’ve spent over 5,000 hours, at least, doing self-hypnosis and reprogramming the thought patterns within my brain, even learning to meditate and recognize that many of the feelings, emotions, and thoughts that I had always seen as mine were simply not of me. The gift of empathy I came to this earth with had been discovered and finally was being learned and understood as a gift rather than a curse, rather than "too much". The most drastic of all the things I worked on within myself was my self-worth, falling back in love with her, who is within me, behind this body - this avatar, this vessel. Since this recognition has occurred within me, my socials have been shifting. For such a long time, these accounts, which were thought of to define who I was or am are transitioning to the light of which can be reflected for others to see themselves. I no longer find the need to be other beings, and my soul mission at this current moment is to simply show others they are also worthy, connect, laugh, create, cry, and open together. To be the part of myself that is here to be, and be a part of this planet's transformational shift. It is such a gift to be here and I cannot begin to describe what is to come, or be felt, heard, or seen through my being. and that’s my story so far, of freya. 

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